Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in manchaman's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, December 8th, 2004
10:13 am	Things are Gettin Better I got the Teacher Assistant job for next semester with my advisor and I am utterly stoked--including nervous since she wants me to be very proactive in class and I'll get to do some lecturing. I don't want to let her down since she is probably the coolest teacher a student could have anywhere. In any case, it seems like things are getting better: school is almost done, I'm going to Monterey Bay--where I never been--and I'll be able to start getting into CSSA, and I had an entirely great B-day party this last weekend. It's been years since someone made me a cake and I had friends around. I have mad shout outs for my dad--who wont read this-- for buying me the keg, and all my friends who brought food, circus people, and simply good love. I doubt I'll ever have a bday party like that for the rest of my 20's, so I dont think I'll try nor hold out hope. Im not big on my own bday, but I sure didnt mind seeing how things went that night. well off to study, maybe over break I'll start adding some more friends on here. lol (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 2nd, 2004
1:53 am	The Killers, "Mr. Brightside" What a great song, check out the lyrics!! I couldn't have articulated this any better, one of those, "oh yeah I know what that's like." Neway, we all put into this nice sick cycle. I'm not one to believe in Karma, but we all get bit in the ass for our shit. take care for now (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2004
11:43 pm	Hi Well this is my first entry and its funny cuz I have maybe one person who might read this. But I'll write anyway the same old shit most post-adolescents write bout on this site. Tonight I am just sad, love-sick, and anguishing. Everyone is gone at our house for the week and it is so cold that my hands barely have the coordination to type. It sux cuz I am not love's greatest martyr, and I can only fix things within myself (deal with both guilt and transcending my shortcomings) and not so much with the girl I still love. Were friends and all, it's just that I can't help the fact that I want her back because we can be so right together--even after I arbitrarily broke up with her. What A blunder. It sux for her because she's had to deal with my past flip-flopping about affection and security that I love her. What an emotional ride it must be for her, what a fucking lesson for me to learn about myself and in life. The only solace I can find is in the fact that I know so much more will be better in my next relationship. It hurts the worst cuz I know it would be so much better if we were back together. She is the love of my life, not some stepping stone in my personal growth. In the past I can say that about other women but with her it's entirely different. What can I do but pass the fucking time, rock out in school, live up to my feelings and standards. What is also shitty is that I'm actually online cathartically dispelling my feelings and sounding so fucking trite. For one of the first times in my life I know what anguish is. Its funny cuz I have never lived a life of privilege yet I am depressed over a love. Real anguish is not being able to feed your kids, losing a family member, or being imprisoned. But anyway, I guess its all relative, I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow except getting a paper out of the way and waiting for a phone call. How pathetic...LOL! Feeling sorry for myself, sorry folks. At least I can say I've learned alot, that I'll love much better, that I am a better person for it. well goodnight for now...I'm not sure I feel anybetter after writing this, but whatever. (Comment on this)